"I plan on having a vaginal delivery with an epidural!!!"

I know I've written before about how people tend to tell you any thing when you're pregnant (give you advice, tell you youre big, etc.). While that has really annoyed me, I have yet to have a really odd encounter with someone regarding my pregnancy until yesterday. After my encounter I knew it was definitely blog worthy haha. So, here is my story:

Yesterday at work this lady came in to visit with one of our residents. I had never met her before so she was a complete stranger to me. She seemed really friendly and came into my office to chat for a moment. I was sitting at my desk and the first thing she said to me was, "Are you with child?". Obviously, I said "Yes." She then asked me if she could touch my belly and I said yes. I stood up and she then preceded to rub my stomach in this sort of thrusting motion-back and forth, back and forth. It was an incredibly awkward moment, but I must admit it did feel good. The reason she was rubbing this way was because according to her, "Pregnant women love when I do this because they are usually real itchy in this area." Odd, but whatever.

After my "prenatal massage" she sat down in my office and said, "What is your birth plan?" Oh my gosh, seriously??? Why is this strange woman asking me about my birth plan?! So, I just looked at her and said, "What?" This is how the rest of our conversation went:

Stranger: "Your birth plan...what is your birth plan?"
Me: "I plan on having a vaginal delivery with an epidural."
Stranger (in a firm tone): "Oh no you are not having an epidural!!!"
Me: "Really? How come?"
Stranger: "Well, I shouldn't tell you this because you are pregnant, but I am going to. Do you realize that if you have an epidural, you have a great chance of being paralyzed afterwards?"
Me: "Well, I really think that is rare and I think I have a great chance of not being paralyzed."
Stranger: "I wouldn't do an epidural. Seriously, there is a great risk for that. Another reason you shouldn't get an epidural is because you won't be able to get out of bed or walk for 2 hours after the baby is born."
Me: "That would be fine with me. After hours of labor, I think I wouldn't mind relaxing in the bed for a few more hours."
Stranger: "Well without an epidural, you are free to get up and shower at any time during your labor if you wanted to."
Me: "That doesn't really matter to me. They can sponge bathe me."
Stranger: "Also, with an epidural you have to have an episiotomy."
Me: "My sister-in-law just had a baby with an epidural and she didn't get an episiotomy. I know a lot of people who didn't have to get an episiotomy."
Stranger: "All I am saying is that the Lord intended for birth to be natural. I had three kids all natural and it really is mind over matter. Seriously, it does not hurt and your labor will be shorter than if you had an epidural. I was in labor for 72 hours with my first child."
Me: "My friend Lauren just had a baby and she had her child just a few hours after her epidural."
Stranger: "Well, natural is the way to go. You can even ask for this massage where they put oil on your labia and massage your vagina and it feels really good."
Me: "If I have an epidural I won't feel anything any way so it really doesn't matter."
Stranger: "Honey, don't let anyone tell you what to do. All I am saying is that you need to have a natural birth because it is the only way to go. Now tell me...after us having this conversation, what is your birth plan?"
Me: "I plan on having a vaginal delivery with an epidural."
Stranger: "Well, just be sure to breast feed. (Her kid started fussing at this point and as she headed out to go after him she said). I will come back another day to give you another massage."

HOLY COW DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THAT CONVERSATION WAS AS WEIRD AS I DO?! I mean really!!!!! First of all, I had never met this woman before in my life and she gives me a "prenatal" massage. Then, she sits down in my office and lectures me (for at least half an hour) on how I need to have a natural birth. The conversation lasted a lot longer that what I quoted...those were just the highlights. By the way, a lot of her points made absolutely no sense and she completely contradicted herself a lot throughout our conversation. At first I was a little angry that she was forcing her opinion down my throat. But then I just realized that she is like a lot of people in this world: crazy and has no sense, so I just laughed inside and made fun of her in my head. :) I have no problem with people having natural births, but do not tell me that is the only way to go. Yes Eve had a natural birth back in the day, but goodness- a lot of things have changed. We don't sacrifice animals anymore, we don't walk around in tunics and sandals...a lot of things have changed. Whew!! I am worn out just replaying that conversation. It was quite interesting. But just so all of you, I PLAN ON HAVING A VAGINAL DELIVERY WITH AN EPIDURAL!!! :)